23 March 2010

The Unbridely Bride and the New Meaning of Marriage

Weddings bring such beauty and bliss into our lives. They're lovely little events that join two people together. People smile when I tell them how excited I am to marry Matt. But if I dare mention in the same breath that wedding planning isn't fun, they look at me as if to say someone needs to send that poor girl to the crazy house.

So why is wedding planning such a horrifying task at times? Well, it takes tradition and joins it together with detail, detail, detail until your mind is more focused on the color of table cloths and whether you addressed someone's name wrong on the envelope rather than being able to focus on preparing for your actual marriage.

I don't get caught up in the size of my ring; I don't need to have a four-course meal, but I do tend to stay up till the early hours of the morning from time to time fretting over all the silly little things I need for the wedding.

That's when I happen upon all these beautiful blogs dedicated to wedding inspiration and see weddings that feature antique furniture placed in a field for the ceremony and a delicate, Victorian china plate at each table setting for the reception.  These weddings are gorgeous, but I wonder about these bloggers. For some, it's their job to comb the internet looking for "inspiration" for us struggling brides in need of a fairy blog mother to show us the way.

We've come to a point where weddings have been redefined. Everything must be eco-chic, DIY vintage or prairie whimsical.When I look at these beatiful weddings being blogged for their inspiration, I'm curious to know about the couple. The photos are great, but how does the couple love? Are the couples an inspiration to readers, a true testament of the meaning of marriage? How would we know? All we see are candy buffets and letterpress escort cards.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice to see the little details come together, but when things start getting stressful, I realize that this wedding (or more specifically, the reception) isn't worth the stress. I've realized that I wouldn't be bothered if all our wedding planning and decorating was ruined and covered in mud as long as our love for each other held fast.

I'm marrying a man who wants to vow to love me like Christ loved the church. I'm marrying a man who would lay down his life for mine. Who cares if my dress is white, red, or neon green? People shouldn't be so focused on tradition and how it's always been done aesthetically; they should be honored to witness such beauty in the connection of two people promising to be each other's companions for the rest of their lives.

Matt and I have discovered, through this wedding planning process, the importance of protecting what we have together as a couple. Our detachment of all the customs that come with the average wedding may alarm some, but we really don't care anymore. We care what God thinks about our relationship and we care about how we treat each other. The wedding reception is a way to include our loved ones in celebrating our marriage with us, but we will not be ruled by those terrible little details that can blind one from the true purpose of the day.


  1. It rained the day of my wedding. And the whole day people kept saying "Wow Krysten, I can't believe you're not totally flipping out." I kept saying telling them that I didn't really care, I was getting MARRIED to my very best friend. As long as we were husband and wife at the end of the day I was good to go.

  2. Krysten, it's terrible it had to rain, but great that you were happy anyway! I feel sorry for the brides that can't get past the details to see the darling man beside them.

  3. i feel you girl. my fiance and i have are going through the same ups and downs of wedding planning. you've got it right, just stay focused on the two of you and don't sweat the small stuff.

  4. Thanks for the friendly words! I wish you the best in holding fast as you plan your wedding too. :)

  5. I know its been a while since we've talked. I totally understand you, though. Alberto and I are planning our wedding and we pretty much decided we didn't care about colors or how pretty the venue is. We just want to keep things simple and inexpensive so we can invest that money and time elsewhere. Its been such a load off our shoulders.

  6. Congratulations on your engagement, Sara. I'm glad it hasn't been too stressful for you. Have you set a date?

  7. Yep, its August 14th, here in Tampa. We're still looking for venues and the date keeps creeping closer and closer.


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